Ugh. Just ugh.

So, Emily and I had planned to hang out today. You know, get together, watch a movie or something, and eat some cake in honor of Singles Awareness Day (she has a boyfriend, but he's working today). Great, right? Well, no, not quite. See, in my excitement, I managed to forget that Emily is notorious for not following through on plans. Basically, if you go out of your way to make arrangements, she won't show up. Which would be less offensive if she would actually tell you she couldn't make it. But no. I had to call her, only to hear "whoops my grandmother wants to do something, sorry." But hey, Emily's family is batshit insane, so you can't really argue with them. So, not the worst thing ever.

But. Then I realized something. A large percentage of my friends do this to me. I can think of a small handful who haven't, and they probably just haven't had a chance to do so yet. I think I must be the backup plan friend or something. I mean, I don't have a problem with people being busy and having other things to do. That's called life. But when it's a pretty constant pattern, and you won't even tell me you can't make it, I can't really help feeling like I'm the only one placing any value on the friendship.

And if anybody actually reads this and is wondering if I'm talking about you, well. Have you repeatedly made plans with me and cancelled without warning or telling me? If you've had to cancel, but you did tell me, I'm not talking about you (I know this is for at least one person on here). If you actually hang out with me when you say you're going to, I'm not talking about you. If maybe you've done this once or twice, I'm not talking about you, but for god/dess/es/whatever's sake tell me when you have to cancel. I don't even care what the reason is, I just need to know if something's come up. I might be kinda sad if you have to cancel, but it's much better than not telling me and thinking I won't notice or whatever. Then if you keep doing that, I'm gonna end up thinking you're ditching me. And hey, if you don't wanna hang out with me? Don't fucking make plans to hang out with me. Just say you can't. I may not catch on that you don't want to hang out with me, but at least you won't be forced to spend time with me, right?

If you are, or think you are, one of the people I'm talking about, and would like to know how to "fix it" or whatever? All you have to do is tell me something's come up. Don't wait for me to come find you, put on your grown-up underwear and let me know. And if you've been doing this to someone else? Same fucking thing. It really isn't that hard to do, and leaving people in the lurch like that is not only extremely rude, but it makes the person you're doing it to feel like you don't actually like them or want to spend time with them.

It's pretty sad that the only person who wants to hang out with me today is my mom. (I love my mom, but I'm just saying.) Well, she and I are gonna get some Chinese food and eat a VDay cake! And I'm gonna play video games.

Happy motherfucking Valentine's Day.

EDIT: Fffffff, bahahahahahahaha. Okay, so apparently all I needed to do was complain about it. Emily just called and said she's coming over in a bit. Working the card section of Walmart on Valentine's Day gave her a headache (gee, how shocking), which she used to get out of the plans with her grandmother. So once she's gotten it to calm down/let the pain meds kick in, she's gonna come over and play video games or whatever. It seems Emily only shows up when you don't expect her, lawls.

So the other day, I found myself wondering, why do I keep talking to someone who's just been annoying me? And I thought about it, and I really don't know why. Well, they're not annoying me all the time, but lately it's been more annoying than not. And this is not a person I have any sort of obligation to keep up communication with. So... maybe I'll go back to being a partial hermit again. Reply hazy, ask again later. Yeah.

It's a nice idea, I guess. In practice, though, I tend to loathe it pretty solidly. (I'm sure you're all surprised.) First of all, while having an official day to celebrate love/romance/gettin' you some/whatever is nice, but there's now this... assumption maybe? that Valentine's is the only day you need to do it. And that's, uh, not the case. And there's also this pressure that OMG YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY whether you actually want to or not. And well... some of us just don't/wouldn't care that much. And then there's this list of acceptable presents, which totally disregards what the individual who's going to get the present actually likes and is interested in. What if you don't actually want flowers or chocolate, you know? And then there's the whole Christianity stealing holidays thing going on, not that there's really any Christianity still left in Valentine's Day. Not even nominally, like Christmas.*

Argh. Valentine's Day is a big ol' ball of fucked up notions of gender/gender roles, romance, ridiculous expectations, commercialization... It's just a big, fucked up ball of bullshit at this point. I could rant all day, but I don't really want to spend my energy on that.

I will add, however, that I really, really don't like how VDay and its participants like to make single people feel shitty for being single. Not having a partner does not make you less of a person, thankyouverymuch.

So yeah. You can laugh at me and make disparaging remarks about my bitterness if you want, but I plan on celebratin Singles Awareness Day on the fourteenth, hopefully with delicious baked goods and/or chocolate. Hey, and I won't even be expected to put out for it, either!

*If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me. I just don't pay much attention to either of these things. :P

So, yeah. I've had a lot of stuff I've wanted to say lately, but in true Scorpio fashion, decided not to say any of it. I've seen people do this before, and it seems like a good idea, so Imma rub on tha wallsdo it too.

These are directed at random people, some of whom are on lj, some of whom are not. Hopefully these will be vague enough to not make anybody worry that I'm talking about them. ;)

Hey, you. You need to find some sort of way to unwind. I know it's nigh impossible, since you're so busy, but try anyway, please? You don't need all that stress. <3

And you. I hope you're proud of yourself. Hope you're happy. Enjoy that. I'm sure it'll be okay eventually, but damn, that was low.

You. I miss you. Probably doesn't mean much, but I do miss you. Hope things are going well, and that you can get away from some of the crap that it looks like you're stuck in. Good luck!

And I kinda miss you, too, although I don't know if you'd understand why. Oh well.

Aaaaand you. I've been told by a couple of people that I should be more forgiving, but uh, I don't think so. You've been a complete nightmare to me, albeit indirectly, and in a way that I don't know that I could forgive you for. You need to get the fuck over yourself, bb, and stop projecting your issues onto other people. I still can't even talk to you, and I don't know if it's worth it to try.

Okay, and you two. You two don't know each other, but you're like the same goddamned person. Y'all need to stop your passive agressive bullshit, let your damned kids grow up, and stop treating them like shit. One of you in particular is especially bad about this. I hope you're happy; you're daughter/my friend is pretty consistantly miserable, because you're such a twat. And you probably have no idea, because you're so self absorbed. Good job.

Aaaaaah, that felt good. I might need to do this more often. Also, rereading over this, several of these could apply to multiple people, so I guess I did it right.

In other news, I seem to have a raging literary hard-on for medieval poetry. Whoulda thunk?

EDIT: Oh, and this? Makes me happy. I squeed for reals.

Well, that was a mostly* enjoyable evening! Pics/details(?) to follow.



*No James, this is not directed at you. It's directed at Wig, who I'm gonna have to set on fire bitch incoherently at SET ON FIRE I MEANT IT THE FIRST TIME talk sternly to. Very, very sternly. With fire.

Some protips, for whoever may need them. NOTE: These are not directed at any person or incident in particular (and even if they were, I wouldn't tell), but rather patterns.

PROTIP NUMBER ONE: Nerds, this is for you. It really isn't necessary for y'all to try and "out-nerd" each other all the time. I don't mean trading references, or tossing them out there to see if the other person is also a fan. That's fun. I'm talking about this need that seems to arise when someone (usually someone female, I might add) makes some favorable comment about a comic book/movie/cartoon series/etc and someone else (usually someone male, tbh) steps in and one-ups them. You know, something like

Unsuspecting fan: Yeah, I really like Batman the Animated Series...
Apparently insecure nerd: Yes, well, but did you know that Harley Quinn isn't originally from the comics? She was imported from BTAS after she became a fan favorite, blahblahPaul Diniblah...

See how annoying that is? Also note that the resulting tangent has absolutely nothing to do with the original statement. Seriously nerds, stop doing this. It makes other, sane nerds look bad.

PROTIP NUMBER TWO: This is for everybody, but goes with number one pretty well. Stop being condescending. Just stop. I don't care if you think someone is "less of a fan" or "not a real [insert group here]" or what-the-hell-ever else, that doesn't mean you should look down on them for it. I come across this personally in regards to fandom-type things, but it's applicable elsewhere. I am so fucking sick of shit like this

Me: Yeah, well *insert a fandom preference here*
Them: Actually, *other fandom preference*, silly.

Now, I have no idea how this is actually intended, but you wanna know how it comes across? When you say that, I hear "Oh, you. You don't get to have a real opinion, you silly nonperson, you. *shoos*" And guess what? That's insulting. So stop it. Other people get to have opinions, too.

(I do admit, however, that condescension in actual arguments is... well, not necessarily effective, but it's a different situation certainly. I'm not talking about that here.)

Hmm. This was fun and cathartic. I may do this again.

Full disclaimer: I'm tired and a bit weepy, so I may ramble/not make any sense

I don't think I want to be an English major anymore. I don't think I can be an English major anymore.

Rozelle's class has made me realize that... I don't like it. I don't like doing literary crit. I don't like writing about other people's stuff. I want to write my own stuff.

And... I've been feeling like this pretty much all semester, but I haven't had any idea what else I could major in.

I hate that class. I mean, a lot of it is interesting, and Rozelle's actually pretty funny. But I hate it. It doesn't mean anything to me. It has no value. And it's what I would be doing for the rest of undergrad, as far as I can tell. And I don't wanna do it anymore. I'm sick of these damn essays and papers about some dead guy's writing. Ugh.

So I've been trying to think of what else I could do. And tonight I talked with my mom about this idea I've been kicking around in my head for a while. I think I want to do some sort of activism/advocacy for the queer community.

And that's so vague, I know, but it's more of an idea than I've ever had for what to do as an English major. And well... I think this is more necessary, if that makes sense.

So, I may need to change majors, but I'm not sure to what. I was thinking sociology, but I don't know. I think I'm going to talk to a prof here in the near future. The one I have in mind is really nice, and should actually be helpful; I also know from some previous conversations that she's queer-friendly, so I can be up-front about my possible new plan.

So... yeah. Thoughts?

Keep it a secret. I don't think I've ever heard of a crush confession working out well, as cynical as that sounds.

I hate people, school's trying to eat me, and I'm hungry, tired, kinda lonely, and kinda bored. Also, I'm sick of nitpicky and/or pretentious college students. I'm sick of The Inferno and the ignorant class discussions it inspired. I'm sick of feeling like I'm invisible.

On the other hand...

I love my friends, I love the college atmosphere, I love most of my classes, I love college shenanigans. I really like intelligent discussions/debates, and college has those in spades. We're done with The Inferno, and I didn't even have to read all of it! I'm making even more friends this semester. I'm doing some of that college self-discovery, and it's pretty awesome.

Also, 50s Girl? You really do talk too much in class, and are kind of a know-it-all. But you know what? You're actually really nice to talk to one-on-one most of the time. Also, you're kinda cute, lol.

Neither, because Winnie the Pooh really, really aggravates me. *forces self not to go off on a long rant*

Hey, if any of you are on Depo or something similar, don't ever miss your appointment. I was about a month late this time due to scheduling mishaps/forgetting to reschedule on time. They make you take a pregnancy test** (because all women are stupid, lying sluts who can't be trusted to actually not be pregnant when they say they're not, or something), but they didn't give me any advance warning. So, I did not have to pee in the slightest. The nurse actually had to go get me some water. And, I don't know if it's just the recent lack of sleep or what, but it was really stressing me out (as in, I almost started crying a couple of times).

So yeah. Not improving my opinion of the medical profession any. (For the record, I have mad respect for nurses, but not very much for doctors. Doctors are bastards.)

*stalks off to drink coffee and hopefully get lunch soon*

**Yeah, first of all? Depo takes a while to leave your system, so I would be unlikely to be pregnant. Second of all, I'm a virgin. Seriously guys, no babies. Ever.

I've been pondering this for a while. So, I think it's safe to say that everyone says and does things they shouldn't. We're all dickish some of the time, but some more often than others. Many of us don't apologize as often as we should. However, there are some things I'm just not going to apologize for or feel guilty about. I will never be sorry for standing up for my friends or my beliefs. Sorry, but if I get into a fight with hypothetical you about either of those things, you're not getting an apology from me. You just aren't.

I know I haven't been very good about calling people out for saying shit to or about my friends in the past, and I am sorry about that. And there are still some friends with shitty situations that I can't help right now, and I feel bad about that, too (even though there's probably nothing I can do. I just hate to see my friends in those situations). But you know what? Sometimes I can say something. Sometimes I even manage to do so. And I'm not sorry about that.

In other news, I <3 my friends for being awesome and supportive and more awesome.

Ugh. Thank you Dante and English class, for reminding me (as if I needed it) why I'm not a Christian. >:| Also, Girl in Class, maybe you should not call the teacher a prostitute.

Yeah. This is gonna be fun.

So, I've poked myspace a couple of times to see if it sucks less than I thought. You know, just in case.

Uh, no. It doesn't. It's still terrible.

People with auto-starting playlists need to be fish-slapped. That is all.

I'm FINALLY done with that goddamn paper. So he assigned another one of course. What a bastard. >:|

This class is trying to eat me alive.

In other news, 'Stina and I went to Walgreen's yesterday. I bought some black lipstick (lol, like I wear makeup) and a red spidery goblet thing. I love Halloween.

*drinks soda out of the goblet thing and acts really pretentious*

In other news, Creepy James was in English 300 today. He may or may not actually be in the class anymore (lol three weeks in). It would be pretty epic if he is.

I wish I had some other kind of academic skill, because I don't seem to make a very good English major. But you know, it's the only thing I actually know how to do, so...


In other news, I have a problem with professors who flat-out lie to students. I see what you were doing there, Dr. R, but it's still lying, and it still makes you a shitty teacher. sry2say.

Also, I, like many people, immensely dislike pretentious English majors.

Hey internets? Can we stop picking on furries now? They're really not doing anything to you, y'know. Yeah, there are some vocal crazies, but there's vocal crazies for everything. I really don't get it. Picking on people just because you "don't get it" or whatever is, well... argh. Just argh. */inarticulate grumblings*

Not directed at anyone/thing in particular, it's just something I've been pondering, and then it came up recently, so... yeah.

RAAWRGDSFLDSAFASLMsa;ldaSMFDLASFMLAGRRRHWERHWRGS?!!!!!

(No, I'm not Bale!Batman, just annoyed)

I know I just posted like an hour ago, but I have more rambly thoughts. Sorry. :P

Dear Douchemobile,

You've been making me feel really uncomfortable lately. You're just... I don't know. You don't treat me very well. You've been kind of condescending to me, which I don't like. You... act like you're in a position where you care (to some extent, at least) about my feelings, but you've demonstrated pretty clearly that you don't. And I can say that, because when I've asked you to not to do something, or tried to explain my view on something to you, I just get brushed off like my opinion doesn't count for anything. And uh, I don't even need to explain why I don't like that, do I? I feel kind of... taken advantage of, I think, in certain respects. And I'm not exactly hurt, at this point, just because I have no reason to believe you could have done better, you know? It's just kind of disappointing, I guess. Not that it really matters that much at this point, right? :\

Frustrated and frankly, sick of this nonsense,

Sparky

Is it too much to ask that the bookstore stock some damn books? Couldn't get nearly any of my books today. >:| Oh well, at least I'm pretty sure I can find the Odyssey online.

Yay MOG!

Also, I kind of want to write epiclols Batman fic. (I have a question for you...)

It's almost always really loud in the house during the day, and it drives me crazy. Basically, once my grandfather gets home from work, I have to hide in the back of the house until the grandparents go to bed. It drives me crazy, probably even more so because I have good hearing.

Also, the bitch is finally getting a hearing test. Gee, she's only been hard of hearing for, what, ten years. Not like that doesn't affect her, and everyone around her or anything. Nope.

And my vine hatchling is refusing to mature. And I almost got a paper egg yesterday.


....Seriously guys, stop shouting. Turn the tv down. You're gonna give me a headache... again. I'm gonna go in the back as soon as I hit "post."

On another note, I really like having journals on different sites. It lets me rant about stuff I couldn't here. It's nice. (Oh, and is anyone on insanejournal?)

Hey, guess what? No.

( My grandmother's a total cunt )

Uh, the tl;dr version: my grandmother continues to be an utter bitch, and now it's affecting the animals.

Ugh, can the Olympics be over now?

A variety of rants of different sizes. Some are more annoying or recent than others, and they're aimed at multiple people. (So don't worry, I'm not picking on anybody specifically)

( I like ranting about things )

Okay, I think I'll stop now. I feel better. :)

So, like I was talking about earlier, here are the rants from my queer_rage post.

( Here they are. Of particular interest, I think, is the third one. Certainly most recent. :\ )

And then, here's my good friend Charity(diana_lucifera)'s response to rant number three:
( IAWTC )

So, there you are.