Dear iTunes,

Thanks ever so much for randomly removing 2/3 of the library. (~3100 songs to 992) Fortunately, you didn't actually delete anything, and I just get to re-add TWO THOUSAND SONGS to you. Thanks also for misplacing all the playlists. Yes, even the ones that you come with. Genius! Now I get to spend the next who-knows-how-long putting all my music back in you, BACKING UP THE LIBRARY THIS TIME HURF DURF, and reinstalling you, because you're an untrustworthy bastard. Good job! Maybe we'll even get this done tonight!

FUCK YOU WHARRGARBL ETC,
Sparky

P.S. At least I don't have to redownload podcasts, reupload CDs, or repurchase anything from the shitty Store. You just hid all of that in a folder, which I found. Consider yourself lucky.

Dear Dorm People,

AIR CONDITIONING. NOW.

Sincerely,
Everyone in Brooke

Well well. Looks like someone finally noticed! I just logged on to see this:

deathbloodfangs (2/24/2009 12:37:18 PM): Hey. So word on the black market is that I'm being shunned for words spoken as an idiot. Sorry you took offense to my gay comment but honestly, I think James is retarded and said what he did to get you. Didn't he say he was grossed out by guy on guy then turns around and says he's pan? Whats up with that? Maybe I'm missing something but I'm just looking out for u.

No honey, you are not, and have not been, looking out for me. You've been trying to run off everyone's boyfriends and been extremely prejudiced towards gay men/perceived gay(ish) men, both for as long as I've known you. It is never okay to threaten to physically injure someone for "acting gay."

James did this amazing thing called realizing he was wrong, which was followed by something called an apology, and- gasp- a change in behavior. You haven't seemed interested in any of these things. That, up there that you wrote? Not an actual apology. It's really just "sorry that I got caught being dickish."

If your idea of "looking out for me" is being bigoted and threatening my friends, then I think I can do without it, thank you.

...So yeah. I think I'm going to send this or something like it back, as soon as I can get yahoo messenger to work right. Feel free to suggest changes/additions. I'd keep typing, but I've gotten to the point where I'm so pissed off that my hands are shaking.

Ugh. Just ugh.

So, Emily and I had planned to hang out today. You know, get together, watch a movie or something, and eat some cake in honor of Singles Awareness Day (she has a boyfriend, but he's working today). Great, right? Well, no, not quite. See, in my excitement, I managed to forget that Emily is notorious for not following through on plans. Basically, if you go out of your way to make arrangements, she won't show up. Which would be less offensive if she would actually tell you she couldn't make it. But no. I had to call her, only to hear "whoops my grandmother wants to do something, sorry." But hey, Emily's family is batshit insane, so you can't really argue with them. So, not the worst thing ever.

But. Then I realized something. A large percentage of my friends do this to me. I can think of a small handful who haven't, and they probably just haven't had a chance to do so yet. I think I must be the backup plan friend or something. I mean, I don't have a problem with people being busy and having other things to do. That's called life. But when it's a pretty constant pattern, and you won't even tell me you can't make it, I can't really help feeling like I'm the only one placing any value on the friendship.

And if anybody actually reads this and is wondering if I'm talking about you, well. Have you repeatedly made plans with me and cancelled without warning or telling me? If you've had to cancel, but you did tell me, I'm not talking about you (I know this is for at least one person on here). If you actually hang out with me when you say you're going to, I'm not talking about you. If maybe you've done this once or twice, I'm not talking about you, but for god/dess/es/whatever's sake tell me when you have to cancel. I don't even care what the reason is, I just need to know if something's come up. I might be kinda sad if you have to cancel, but it's much better than not telling me and thinking I won't notice or whatever. Then if you keep doing that, I'm gonna end up thinking you're ditching me. And hey, if you don't wanna hang out with me? Don't fucking make plans to hang out with me. Just say you can't. I may not catch on that you don't want to hang out with me, but at least you won't be forced to spend time with me, right?

If you are, or think you are, one of the people I'm talking about, and would like to know how to "fix it" or whatever? All you have to do is tell me something's come up. Don't wait for me to come find you, put on your grown-up underwear and let me know. And if you've been doing this to someone else? Same fucking thing. It really isn't that hard to do, and leaving people in the lurch like that is not only extremely rude, but it makes the person you're doing it to feel like you don't actually like them or want to spend time with them.

It's pretty sad that the only person who wants to hang out with me today is my mom. (I love my mom, but I'm just saying.) Well, she and I are gonna get some Chinese food and eat a VDay cake! And I'm gonna play video games.

Happy motherfucking Valentine's Day.

EDIT: Fffffff, bahahahahahahaha. Okay, so apparently all I needed to do was complain about it. Emily just called and said she's coming over in a bit. Working the card section of Walmart on Valentine's Day gave her a headache (gee, how shocking), which she used to get out of the plans with her grandmother. So once she's gotten it to calm down/let the pain meds kick in, she's gonna come over and play video games or whatever. It seems Emily only shows up when you don't expect her, lawls.

It's a nice idea, I guess. In practice, though, I tend to loathe it pretty solidly. (I'm sure you're all surprised.) First of all, while having an official day to celebrate love/romance/gettin' you some/whatever is nice, but there's now this... assumption maybe? that Valentine's is the only day you need to do it. And that's, uh, not the case. And there's also this pressure that OMG YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY whether you actually want to or not. And well... some of us just don't/wouldn't care that much. And then there's this list of acceptable presents, which totally disregards what the individual who's going to get the present actually likes and is interested in. What if you don't actually want flowers or chocolate, you know? And then there's the whole Christianity stealing holidays thing going on, not that there's really any Christianity still left in Valentine's Day. Not even nominally, like Christmas.*

Argh. Valentine's Day is a big ol' ball of fucked up notions of gender/gender roles, romance, ridiculous expectations, commercialization... It's just a big, fucked up ball of bullshit at this point. I could rant all day, but I don't really want to spend my energy on that.

I will add, however, that I really, really don't like how VDay and its participants like to make single people feel shitty for being single. Not having a partner does not make you less of a person, thankyouverymuch.

So yeah. You can laugh at me and make disparaging remarks about my bitterness if you want, but I plan on celebratin Singles Awareness Day on the fourteenth, hopefully with delicious baked goods and/or chocolate. Hey, and I won't even be expected to put out for it, either!

*If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me. I just don't pay much attention to either of these things. :P

Ugh, 2009. 2009 is already fired. Well, originally, I was just gonna link to James's(eseses) entry about it, but then I typed all this word vomit. So enjoy. And I don't care that it's a block paragraph. Maybe I'll fix it later and maybe I'll win a million dollars and a pony.

Yuck. I'm all sick, but not really. I think it's a combination of slightly sick to begin with +not enough sleep +not enough food/water +too much standing around/browsing. It equaled me being all sick by the time Emmy and I actually got over to his apartment. So yeah. And then everybody else had something else to do, apparently (good job not being asshats, guys... oh wait. 8D I'm sick, I can say whatever I want. Lemme alone.). So the three of us Steak 'n' Shake, where... they decided not to serve us! I was really nauseous, and wanted some water, but nooooo. Eventually we left and went to Wendy's. (As we left, I saw a family sitting behind us that had only water. They looked like they wanted to leave too, poor things.) Wendy's was okay. So then we went to the theater, waited in line for waaaaay too fucking long (standing made me feel worse, as did smelling the popcorn, yay), and then goti nto the theater... only to find that the seats were so goddamned small that we couldn't sit in them. Seriously. Even wee Emmy was like "these seats are tiny D: " and I was all "I feel like spew and I don't wanna sit on the floor." So we left (for I am the fun-killer, huzzah). I didn't really care about being out the money I paid, but James tried to get a refund. Tried. I should've thrown up on the cashier/clerk-girl's shoes. What a bitch. So then we just went to Books-A-Million and Toys R Us. And stood around/browsed more, which made me feel worse. Ugh. Emmy kept trying to give us "alone time," but it's a store. So yeah. No. (btw, I still hate that Books-s-Million.) And then I just couldn't do it anymore, so we all went home. Blech.

I feel slightly better now-- a little less like death warmed over-- but I still just want to curl up and die somewhere. Ugh. Managed to eat, though. Feel feverish, but am not. Oh, and I'm kind of shaky. And cold, except when I'm hot. Yay. ;_;

At least the CD was passable. That's good. (And I'm gonna get some of that damn cocoa one of these days, lawls.)

EDIT: Goddamn, I just wanna whine about being sick, Mom. I don't think there's actually anything to be done about it. And the next family member that calls me "love" is getting punched in the mouth, set on fire, dropkicked into a pile of angry untrained pitbulls, and then thrown in a dumpster. It's not cute, or sweet, or familial, or whatever you think it is. It's goddamned motherfucking creepy, and it makes me uncomfortable. And we're not even British. I would understand if we were British. But we are not. So stop. I am not your "love." I am your relative. Stop it. >:( (PS- how the hell do I tell them not to call me that anymore? Not that I think they would, but you never know, I guess. Goddamn.)

...Hahaha, I run on rage and the despair of small children. I perked up quite a bit while bitching just now. Raaaaaaaaah.

Ugh, I forgot until now that fireworks happen on New Year's. Yuck. (At least no one seems to be setting any off so far.)

Well, since the semester from hell is over, you'd think I'd be feeling better, right? I guess not. :\ Honestly, I think a lot of it is that now I'm "allowed" to be upset, you know? I don't have to hold it together to get a paper done on time, or anything. Well, that and the fact that instead of having less stress now, I just have different stress. Sigh.

I mean, let's see here. I'm currently so angry at, upset with, and disappointed in one of my longtime friends. Like... I ignored her phone call earlier, and I'm ignoring her online right now, because I am so, so... I don't even have a word for it, I'm that... that. Yeah.

And well, I keep stressing out about other stuff, too, but eh. I've been thisclose to crying all day, but I think I'll be okay now. I'm about to go see James, and he's gonna make me cocoa and we're gonna watch Gargoyles. Yay. Hopefully I won't bawwwww all over him, haha.

So... yeah. My depression, let me show you it. :\

Hey, if any of you are on Depo or something similar, don't ever miss your appointment. I was about a month late this time due to scheduling mishaps/forgetting to reschedule on time. They make you take a pregnancy test** (because all women are stupid, lying sluts who can't be trusted to actually not be pregnant when they say they're not, or something), but they didn't give me any advance warning. So, I did not have to pee in the slightest. The nurse actually had to go get me some water. And, I don't know if it's just the recent lack of sleep or what, but it was really stressing me out (as in, I almost started crying a couple of times).

So yeah. Not improving my opinion of the medical profession any. (For the record, I have mad respect for nurses, but not very much for doctors. Doctors are bastards.)

*stalks off to drink coffee and hopefully get lunch soon*

**Yeah, first of all? Depo takes a while to leave your system, so I would be unlikely to be pregnant. Second of all, I'm a virgin. Seriously guys, no babies. Ever.